I don't have you with me but I keep a good attitude.

Whenever I am asked who my favourite bands are, I always spout off the same familiar names. About five of them, actually. I have never been able to pick just one.
For some reason, though, I always seem to skip over one particular artist. I think it could be because he was such a staple in my life at a time when things couldn't have been any worse.
I know there are songs, albums even, that could sum up a moment in time for everyone. There has always been background noise suited to whatever is going on. May it be teenage melodrama like break ups or better times like birthday parties.
To be honest, there was another band at that time in my life that I could probably name as a bigger influence over all. That would be the easy answer, anyway. The group I had plastered all over my walls and could sob along to just because some dude in school didn't like me back. Like-like, of course.
This man in particular was sort of my safety net. It wasn't like my fondness of him was secret or anything, I just don't think people understood just how attached I was to his work. It wasn't a fangirl sort of thing by any means. I just got it, and most people had no idea I had any reason to know what "it" was. I wore a brave face a lot of the time. I don't know if I ever came close to reaching a point as low as this man eventually did, In fact, I think he sort of helped me from staying as far from that as possible.
I remember the day I read of him taking his life. That was the first time I had been so effected by someone I had never even met. In all honesty, I can never understand how someone is able to do this. It hit me so hard. At one point he was one of the only voices I could trust, and he took that away. I remember being really angry. Being young, I had that warped idea that if I had met him, maybe things could have been different. Maybe I could have turned the tables and been the one to make him see that it's not all bad in the world. It wasn't to be though.
It's been almost six years since that day. Admittedly, I don't listen to him as much as I used to. I got a bit older, things got better. That's not to say the music isn't still completely perfect. It doesn't bring me back to bad memories, but rather it is a reminder of how much he meant to me.
He might be kept in the back of my head these days, but I won't forget him.

"To vanish into oblivion is easy to do. And I try to be, but you know me. I come back when you want me to."