Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Try hard vs not trying

I don't know if it's from living in a city of millions or the revelation that it's literally been years since I've persued anyone/anything- but my eyes have been wandering too much lately. I've never felt embarrassed about my lack of experience or conquests, in fact it's nothing to be ashamed of. I would rather be this way then bend myself around the place. Reaching the end of the decade and looking back though, I don't have a whole lot to reminisce about. Not just in terms of relationships, but ANYTHING. It worries me to a slight point: When I'm older looking back on this time in my life, will I greatly regret not trying a bit harder?
I don't want to throw myself at just anything. I miss romance. For a long time it just hasn't been something I've focused on. There have been far more important things to set my sights on. Maybe it's just winter's lonely grips seething in? Maybe, when spring is here again, I won't be so bothered? This time around, I think I have to admit to myself that this is not the case.
I have been falling in love with beautiful strangers and flirting a bit dangerously with sleazy cohorts. At least I can positively say that I'll never resort to the latter. At least I have that. Although something in the back of my mind is a bit curious.
This built up tension is starting to get messy.

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