You broke my heart almost half a decade ago now. It's weird, I haven't thought about it some time. In fact, that whole relationship feels like a world away, a different life. I haven't been with anyone since, which some say is a bit weird considering I am so young. It's not for any reason to do with you, though. I've just not ventured down that alley, there has been no interest to do so. Well, in general there has been of course- I just haven't found it in anyone.
We have been friends since you ended it so abruptly. Not with initial ease, of course. The first summer after you broke my heart, it was hard. You had moved on so easily, to a few girls within the school year. In fact, it was when you went off to school that you decided to break things off. It wasn't face to face. It was cowardly. You admitted that in the summer after. The summer we reintroduced as just friends.
It was weird not sitting near you when we would hang out. It was weirder when I would have to, because I would have to force myself not to hold your hand by instinct.
These things, all of these things. I haven't thought about any of it in such a long time. We don't talk as often as we used to, but when we do very little has changed. I would consider you to be a good friend of mine now. There is no tension, no lingering feelings. At least, I don't think so. As I said, that whole relationship of ours feels like another lifetime ago.
The other night I had a dream that involved you. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but we were together again. The strange thing is, I woke up quite a few times in the night and bizarrely, I just kept dreaming about you.
It has been a solid four years since I have thought about you in such ways. Once I got over you, that was it. But was it? I never questioned myself until now. I don't know how it would be if it were to happen again. We're both in very different places, but we're still the same people, really. I haven't thought of you in that manner in so long, but it was nice to remember it. To dream about it was to be back there. I don't love you now, but I wonder if I could again.
A year after you broke my heart, you told me it was your biggest regret. I wonder if you still think about it that way.
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Gosh, this has really touched a nerve...It's exactly what I've been going through lately...You know what, it's better to keep Pandora's Box closed and dream of the perfect new memories you could've had rather than open your thoughts, heart and life once again and you realise that Mr Perfect was never going to be Mr Perfect and it's back to the drawing board of nothing and no hope once again....x
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