Commitment-phobe.

I taste fear in your tears. I touch when you tremble. Circular in motion, devoid of emotion. You laugh and you scorn "I wish you were never ever born" then clutch at my hands in shame. Sorry sorry whatever do you mean? A silent plea falls heavy on my ears. Heavy on my conscience, heavy when I breathe:

"Did you hear the story about the girl that broke?
She took his plea to heart.
They danced that dance that went on.
And on forevermore.
On for an eternity! he said, an eternity for me.
When she heard the news,
that forever was a lifetime she wasn't too keen.
Her heart began to beat, her mind started to heat,
where's the stop button? When can I leave?
The room began to spin, the shoes wore thin.
Her eyes turned in.
Faster he cried, faster therein.
Fingers bit into her arms, bruises mottled her skin.
Hair fell to the floor. She wasn't present anymore.
Faster he cried, and so faster therein.
Did you hear how it ends? I heard she broke."

x

The Fly

I hope you never read this

You broke my heart almost half a decade ago now. It's weird, I haven't thought about it some time. In fact, that whole relationship feels like a world away, a different life. I haven't been with anyone since, which some say is a bit weird considering I am so young. It's not for any reason to do with you, though. I've just not ventured down that alley, there has been no interest to do so. Well, in general there has been of course- I just haven't found it in anyone.
We have been friends since you ended it so abruptly. Not with initial ease, of course. The first summer after you broke my heart, it was hard. You had moved on so easily, to a few girls within the school year. In fact, it was when you went off to school that you decided to break things off. It wasn't face to face. It was cowardly. You admitted that in the summer after. The summer we reintroduced as just friends.
It was weird not sitting near you when we would hang out. It was weirder when I would have to, because I would have to force myself not to hold your hand by instinct.
These things, all of these things. I haven't thought about any of it in such a long time. We don't talk as often as we used to, but when we do very little has changed. I would consider you to be a good friend of mine now. There is no tension, no lingering feelings. At least, I don't think so. As I said, that whole relationship of ours feels like another lifetime ago.
The other night I had a dream that involved you. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary, but we were together again. The strange thing is, I woke up quite a few times in the night and bizarrely, I just kept dreaming about you.
It has been a solid four years since I have thought about you in such ways. Once I got over you, that was it. But was it? I never questioned myself until now. I don't know how it would be if it were to happen again. We're both in very different places, but we're still the same people, really. I haven't thought of you in that manner in so long, but it was nice to remember it. To dream about it was to be back there. I don't love you now, but I wonder if I could again.
A year after you broke my heart, you told me it was your biggest regret. I wonder if you still think about it that way.