Communication

Do not be angry,
for I can not hate

Do not be scared,
for I do not fear

Do not be guilty,
for I am far worse

Do not attempt to explain
for I will never understand.

MS

JUST SAYING.

Remember this Wes?


Also seen here?


Even XO Skeletons, as shit as they were, had the same crowd going. Some Girls? Fucking rad times.

Not that this is bad, but it doesn't come close (Crap pun not intended)


I know there are more people into this sort of music these days, but where is the FUN? Never in all my years of Eisold worship would I have imagined him to settle down, especially this way.

We all need to go a bit crazy sometimes.

x

Try hard vs not trying

I don't know if it's from living in a city of millions or the revelation that it's literally been years since I've persued anyone/anything- but my eyes have been wandering too much lately. I've never felt embarrassed about my lack of experience or conquests, in fact it's nothing to be ashamed of. I would rather be this way then bend myself around the place. Reaching the end of the decade and looking back though, I don't have a whole lot to reminisce about. Not just in terms of relationships, but ANYTHING. It worries me to a slight point: When I'm older looking back on this time in my life, will I greatly regret not trying a bit harder?
I don't want to throw myself at just anything. I miss romance. For a long time it just hasn't been something I've focused on. There have been far more important things to set my sights on. Maybe it's just winter's lonely grips seething in? Maybe, when spring is here again, I won't be so bothered? This time around, I think I have to admit to myself that this is not the case.
I have been falling in love with beautiful strangers and flirting a bit dangerously with sleazy cohorts. At least I can positively say that I'll never resort to the latter. At least I have that. Although something in the back of my mind is a bit curious.
This built up tension is starting to get messy.

Creative Kills

I wish I didn't spend all day and all night filling my head with silly dreams of lyrics for songs and chord progressions,
I wish I didn't doodle ideas for club nights and make lists of which new records to buy when I finally get some money,
I wish I didn't see the disappointment in my parents' eyes everytime I went home,
I wish I didn't freak out about getting more bills and stopped crying at night worrying about my debts,
I wish I spent my days at work, counting beans and making beans,
Going for lunches with clients and colleagues,
Wearing a dry-cleaned suit and coiffing up my hair with cold water,
Asking how my bosses kids were doing and which schools he'd recommend in the area,
I wish I lived in a huge house, with 2 cars quite close to my parents,
I wish my biggest task at the moment was organising my wedding,
I wish I had to buy my colleague an engagement present,
I wish I had an upcoming performance review but this time it would go perfectly.
I wish I never questioned this life.

I wish I wasn't alone,
I wish I wasn't me.

Drop

Commitment-phobe.

I taste fear in your tears. I touch when you tremble. Circular in motion, devoid of emotion. You laugh and you scorn "I wish you were never ever born" then clutch at my hands in shame. Sorry sorry whatever do you mean? A silent plea falls heavy on my ears. Heavy on my conscience, heavy when I breathe:

"Did you hear the story about the girl that broke?
She took his plea to heart.
They danced that dance that went on.
And on forevermore.
On for an eternity! he said, an eternity for me.
When she heard the news,
that forever was a lifetime she wasn't too keen.
Her heart began to beat, her mind started to heat,
where's the stop button? When can I leave?
The room began to spin, the shoes wore thin.
Her eyes turned in.
Faster he cried, faster therein.
Fingers bit into her arms, bruises mottled her skin.
Hair fell to the floor. She wasn't present anymore.
Faster he cried, and so faster therein.
Did you hear how it ends? I heard she broke."

x

The Fly